


Light Up The Dark

by orphan_account



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Mutual Pining, Politics, Romance, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-13 04:24:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16010249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: With the Crown Prince's impending marriage and the empire about to come apart at the seams, the Emperor's second son is the most desirable bachelor despite his absolute refusal to meet expectations. The only way to avoid an all-out upset of the emperor's power is the biggest scandal to hit Kree society in years.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheQueenInTheNorth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheQueenInTheNorth/gifts).



**Q O L**

**6 weeks ago**

“My brother is getting married.” 

A cool sea breeze blew in through the windows open to the terrace, making the curtains flutter  into the sitting room. 

It was a spacious room, painted pale blue like the sand on the beach below. Various furniture items were arranged around the room creating three distinct sitting areas, large enough for a group of fifty, though they were the room’s only two occupants.

The afternoon sun was beginning its descent behind the horizon, soaking the room in its light and warmth. 

A second, stronger breeze brushed Sinara’s hair into her face, drawing her attention back to the matter on hand. She tossed her communicator aside and glanced up at his words, meeting his eyes then looking away with almost pointed nonchalance. 

“My apologies to the bride.” 

Kasius tilted his head, a note of reproach in his expression. “And not to me? I’ll not be left alone now.” 

Kasius hadn’t lived with his family for as long as she’d known him. He’d come to the city, Qol, to attend school and she’d been assigned as his security detail. All that was nearly seven years ago, now.  

Kasius had not returned to his home city, Hala for all that time. Instead, they lived in a house in Qol; modest by Kasius’s standards but extravagant by her own. Kasius did his work, and she followed him around while he did it. 

The routine rarely changed. And she often found herself forgetting altogether who he was: the second son of an emperor whose empire was falling apart. 

Sinara reclined further into the sofa and glanced back at him. She hoped the gesture would distract from the way her eyes must have widened and her lips must have twisted into a frown. “Which is why I’m here, no?” 

Kasius laughed. “You can’t just kill off whoever my father decides to pair me off with to save his ass.” 

Sinara tilted her head.  _ Why not?  _

“They’re important politicians, and my father’s already destabilized the entire planet.” 

_ And? You’re not going to help that.  _

“And I wouldn’t want to.” 

“So what are you going to do?”

Kasius looked tired. “What I’m told to do, I see no other way around the matter.” 

 

**H A L A**

**6 weeks ago**

“Dismissed.” 

Emperor Taryan didn’t bother to glance up at the dignitary being escorted from his study. There had been a dozen like them in the past few days. Every elite member of the planet's society wanted a shot at winning his younger son’s title for themselves. Disgraceful as he was, Kasius was a few careful maneuvers from the top. Which was why it seemed imperative that he be given as little importance as he could, reasonably without losing face. 

Not that it was a remotely possible task when the entire planet seemed ready to go to war at a moment’s notice. The slightest shift in one direction could bring the different political factions to grave conflict. The wars Taryan fought were unpopular, a recent failed trade deal had only strengthened resistance. 

He couldn’t shift, but he had to move. 

“That’s a certain no,” Faulnak muttered, rising from the chair he sat in near a bookshelf. 

Taryan’s attention was brought back to the present. He sat in a well-cushioned chair behind his desk. The room was windowless but warmly-lit; ideally suited for under-the-radar meetings.  “Minnar’s economic ideas are far too controversial to hint at supporting.” Faulnak continued. 

“To be frank, not one of them is a good option, but if we do nothing, the trouble becomes obvious to everyone.” 

“We could make it his fault.” Faulnak circled around the desk so he might look Taryan in the eye. “Give them something else to talk about.” 

Taryan pushed away from the desk, settling back in his chair to consider it. “What grinds in your head?” 

“Nobody is unaware of the fact that he has all but gone rogue, a scandal would hardly reflect poorly on us.” 

“A scandal of what sort?” 

“One that makes him unmarriageable.” 

Taryan said nothing, waiting for the forthcoming plan. 

“He lives with a woman in Qol, a commoner who—” 

“All of these cretins are desperate enough for a title, that’s hardly a disaster for his prospects.” 

Faulnak shrugged. “No, but it could be.” 

 

**Q O L**

**1 week ago**

Sinara should have guessed there was something amiss when the Emperor himself came to town a week before the wedding festivities were due to begin in Hala. And she probably should’ve been more concerned that she was sent out of the room for the meeting.

She didn’t question it because she was reasonably certain they weren’t going to kill him. 

Sinara retreated to her quarters on the third level of their house. It was a series of three rooms; bedroom, bathroom, and sitting room. All of them were sparser than the rest of the house. Kasius had asked multiple times to be allowed to decorate it, but she wasn’t ever planning on letting him do it. 

She settled in the sitting room where she could hear the hum of voices in the downstairs study, a precaution if an argument were to break out. 

While waiting, she tried to read one of the books she’d taken from the library; they were mostly scientific texts and thus, beyond dull. So, she found herself trying to make out the conversation below, to varying degrees of success. It did eventually devolve into an argument, though the entirety of what she heard from above was the Emperor shouting for silence, and Kasius accusing him of insanity. 

Just as Sinara was beginning to contemplate going downstairs, the fight ended; a heretofore unknown occurrence. The only other times the emperor or the crown prince had visited, the argument had ended in at least one party storming out, and once, a near physical fight. 

Then, she heard the Emperor leave seemingly peacefully, then for five long minutes; the house was so still it nearly felt like the entire building was holding its breath. 

Just when she was vaguely beginning to worry that Taryan’s men had actually murdered Kasius, the sound of footsteps on the stairs growing ever closer dismissed the thought from her mind. 

He didn’t bother knocking on the door before entering, and she didn’t bother looking up from her reading. 

Kasius spoke softly like he wasn’t sure if she knew he was standing there. “We have a situation.” 

Sinara hummed vaguely in an unspoken question, not glancing up at him. She’d guessed as much, and at least he didn’t sound too angry now. 

After three false starts at a response, she finally glanced up at him, looked away and did a double take, her hand raising to her eyes instinctively as though to clear her vision. 

Kasius held a bundle of blankets in his hand as hesitantly as if it were an explosive. Though, it wasn’t a either of those things. 

It was child, an infant, certainly no older than three or four months. 

She was too confused to formulate a question, letting her expression of unbridled shock speak for itself. 

“I’m not confident that I will be able to explain this.” 

“Please, try.” Sinara stood and gestured to her chair. “Sit. You look like you’re going to faint.” 

She had quite literally never seen him at a complete loss for words, and yet, here he was. 

“Why?” Was all she could manage to prompt him. 

“My father’s grand plan to stop the empire from falling apart over social politics.” 

Sinara didn’t follow, but she nodded anyway. 

“In his mind, the resulting scandal if I were married with a child, without his permission, or regard for social status would be so great that it would be an insult for the noble families to…” He trailed off. 

“He’s not wrong.” She paused, considering which of the many, many, questions she had to ask next. “Where did—” 

“An orphanage.” 

“He just took it?” 

“Sinara, this is hardly our biggest issue at present.” 

“This isn’t my problem,” The last syllable of her statement trailed off as the thought occurred to her.  _ “No. _ ” 

His silence was confirmation enough. Sinara sat down across from him, then immediately stood. 

“I am not going to do that.” 

Kasius didn’t push the point with her. 

The idea was beyond ridiculous, the Emperor couldn’t just do as he pleased with any of his subjects lives.  _ Never mind that _ , she supposed he could, and did, quite often. It was infuriating. But, it was hardly Kasius’s fault; if she didn’t play along it meant putting him in jeopardy.  _ And _ if she were not playing along; she wouldn’t be going to the capital to stop anything from happening. But, it was foolish of her to think that it would be settled once they returned.  

Nevertheless, none of that seemed like a good enough justification for letting him die, or starting a war. 

She sat down again, resting  “Fine. What are we going to do?” 

Kasius looked back at her in surprise. “You’ll do it?” 

“It’s not as though I’m doing anything else next week.”  _ Or after that, apparently.  _

Kasius chuckled. “Thank you.” 

Sinara waited for him to continue, assuming that some plan or another would be forthcoming. But he kept staring at the wall so intensely that it was a bit concerning. 

“You’re holding it wrong.” She finally said, drawing a confused look from Kasius. “Support the head.” 

“What?” He asked his expression a confused sort of blank. “How would you know anything about that?” 

“How don’t you?” She moved to sit beside him on the sofa, motioning for him to hand the child to her. 

“Sinara, he’s asleep!” 

“I wasn’t planning on changing that.” 

Kasius sighed, exasperated, and shifted his arms over hers so she could lift the child out of them. She elected to ignore the way he was frowning at her like she was one of the scientific theories he was always studying and couldn’t figure out, focusing instead on the infant. 

He couldn’t have been older than three months and was even smaller than he looked. The blanket wrapped around him added extra cushioning. Sinara shifted until his head rested against her hand which in turn rested against her forearm. He didn’t look much like either of them, though such things were too difficult to predict with one so young. She didn’t often feel abjectly terrified, but did she ever, now. 

“Sinara!” 

She turned away at Kasius’s exclamation, an admonishment all ready to go. 

“You weren’t listening, and what is more concerning, you didn’t breathe for more than thirty seconds.” 

“What was it?” 

“I said many things, are you absolutely positive that—” 

“Yes. Talk quieter for once.” 

“Should we have rules? I feel as though it might help, and we’ll need to discuss the answers we’ll be giving to social questions. I fear it won’t be very easy on you, so—” 

“Right. We should have rules. For example, keep your voice down, or you’ll never make it to Hala because I’ll kill you.” 

Kasius sighed again but didn’t comment further. “All right, at the palace, we’ll be sharing quarters, and it won’t do for us to sleep separately.” 

Sinara nodded. “Rule two, don’t talk all night.” 

Kasius only laughed at that before continuing. “And while courtiers are hardly the most openly demonstrative people on the planet, what do you think of—”

“Whatever you think is best.” She interrupted, only half-focused on his words. 

“I simply don’t find it appropriate that I make that decision by myself. Can I hold your hand?” 

“Yes, not now, though.” 

He put a hand on her shoulder. “What about this?” 

Sinara rolled her eyes. “Also, fine.” 

“Face?” 

“Still don’t care.” 

“What if I kissed you?” 

“You won’t,” Sinara replied, almost laughing at the idea that he would’ve thought it; they both knew such things were beneath him. 

Kasius frowned and didn’t deny it; which stung more than she cared to admit. “Rule three, then, no kissing. When did we get married?” 

Sinara wasn’t quite sure why he still was laboring under the impression that she was going to be of any use to him in this. “Six months ago.” She offered. 

Kasius laughed. “That would be even worse for my father’s reputation, I like the way you think. I suppose that answers the  _ why. _ ” 

_ Oh, right _ . At least it wasn’t some stupid romantic reason.

“Don’t be an emotional idiot.” 

“What?” 

“A rule; don’t do it.” 

Kasius nodded. “Noted.”

She turned her attention back to the tiny person in her arms, he was beginning to stir, and the movement nearly made her jump out of her skin. His arms and legs moved about beneath the blanket, his tiny features scrunched together but his eyes stayed closed. And suddenly her heart felt like it was leaping into her throat; the inexplicable nerves returned if she thought about any of this too much. 

“Does he have a name?” She wondered, not quite intending to do so aloud. 

“What— who?” 

“ _ Our _ son. Does he have a name?” She repeated. Her tone was facetious, mocking, but the way Kasius laughed at it was softer, somehow. 

He rested his chin on her shoulder to better look at the child. “My father didn’t say. We’ll have to decide on that, won’t we?” 

“You can. As long as it’s not after yourself.” 

Kasius turned to look at her, his nose brushing her cheek as he did. “No matter. I was thinking I’d call him Sinara.” 

Sinara laughed. “No.” 

Kasius turned back to the child. “Kidding. Natan?” 

“If you like it.” 

“I do. Have you ever thought about this before?” 

Sinara shook her head, suddenly and inexplicably exhausted.  _ Have you?  _ She wanted to ask, but didn’t. 

“Do you know how to hold him, now?” 

“Yes, why?” 

Sinara leaned back, pulling away from him. “Because he’s not going to sleep in  _ here. _ ” 

 

**Q O L**

**3 days ago**

 

Sinara woke to the sound of wailing that even the floors and walls between her and the downstairs apartment couldn’t block out well. For the same reason, she hadn’t slept through the night in four days. And the sun was just beginning to break over the city skyline outside the window turning the sky grey-blue with its light. 

It can’t have been more than three hours since she was up last. 

She rolled over and grabbed her communicator off the bedside table. “What is it now?” 

Sinara must have sounded angrier than she truly meant to because all he managed was a half-exasperated, half-terrified; “I’m sorry!” 

“Do you need me?” 

“No. Go to sleep. I’ll come up if I do.” 

“Are you going to wake me up in five minutes because you can’t tie a blanket?” 

“No!” 

Sinara set down her communicator and rolled over. She expected to find it suddenly hard to sleep; but when her eyes reopened, the room was lit by the fully-risen sun. And a glance at her communicator told her it had been another three hours. 

She let the arm holding her communicator fall back to the bed, staring at the shadow cast over the skin of her arm by a curtain, matching perfectly the angle of an old training scar. 

_ Shit.  _

She sat up and slid out of bed. She was dressed in sleep clothes, plain black loose garments, and her hair was undone, but with a matter so urgent she didn’t spend time dressing. 

Kasius was in the study, pouring over a book propped up on the table. 

“We don’t have the scars.” She began without preamble. 

Kasius frowned at her. “Of course not, I wouldn’t do that to you.” 

“Thoughtful. But this isn’t going to work if we don’t follow the tradition. It’s hardly official—” 

Kasius held up a hand. “I mean you shouldn’t, for your health. Don’t you remember how long it takes for your injuries to stop bleeding? I made alternate arrangements.” 

She suspected it was an excuse, a way out at the end of it for both of them. But, it was sweet of him to remember when she hadn’t remembered herself what seemed like an important detail. Instead, she just swallowed hard against the feeling in her throat and nodded. 

“Where’s Natan?” 

Kasius’s eyes widened. “ _ Damn it. _ ” 

 

**H A L A**

**Now**

 

They arrived in Hala late in the evening, and perhaps the emperor had arranged it that way to put off some of the madness until the morning. It may have been the only decent thing he’d ever done in his life. 

Despite the late hour, the palace was still buzzing with activity, hundreds of servants readying the palace for the dignitaries that would arrive in the morning. 

The walk through the palace to their quarters were the most uncomfortable ten minutes of her life. No one spoke, but it somehow felt like Sinara was expected to answer the questions of everyone she passed from the way they stared. 

She’d had to carry Natan, Kasius wanted his hands free in the event that he needed to greet someone. As no one, such things weren’t expected of her. Still, she had never been very fond of children and couldn’t pretend the last week had done much to change that, or how terribly uncomfortable the whole idea was. At least it Kasius was endlessly amused by her reactions to the everything. Though of course, that was even less amusing. 

And she didn’t like the feeling of a guard walking one step behind her _ , how did people like Kasius tolerate this? _

Finally, their escorts left them just inside the doors of the guest quarters they were staying in, with only the two servants carrying their luggage. The servants fluttered around the room, making quick work of any unpacking as she and Kasius looked on. 

The quarters were far nicer than their home in Qol. The walls were painted a deep blue with gold-painted molding covering the ceiling and walls; like elegants metal vines and flowers growing around the room. The furniture was fine and old; white, gold and blue to match with the room. 

Sinara was vaguely aware of Kasius giving instructions of where he wanted things put, but had no input to offer. 

She fiddled with the gold armband on the arm supporting Natan’s head; apparently the marriage mark solution for people at risk of bleeding out. Or people lying about everything. 

“Excuse me,” 

Sinara blinked, surprised to find one of the servants standing in front of her, looking appropriately terrified. Her eyes skimmed over the servant to meet Kasius’s. 

“She can take Natan to the nursery with the other children.” 

Sinara couldn’t say why it surprised her that that was something that these people did. But somehow it hardly seemed humane to take the child from an orphanage only to put it back into one a week later. 

Kasius shook his head. “That won’t be necessary. Dismissed.” 

Sinara could make out the servants shocked whispering in the hallway even after the door shut behind them. Clearly, it wasn’t how things were done. 

She turned to Kasius, knowing she was supposed to protest the decision. It was even what part of her wanted to do, just not a very big part of her anymore. “Now we won’t sleep!” 

Kasius smiled in his almost-patronizing but not entirely way. “You didn’t want to.” 

  
  



	2. Chapter Two

**M O R N I N G**

 Sinara woke momentarily confused at not being in the house in Qol, where she’d woken every day for so long with almost no exception. Underneath the surplus of sheets and blankets, it was pleasantly warm despite the chill in the air. 

She was curled against Kasius’s side, and he was warm too. His arms circled her shoulder and waist, her head rested just below his left shoulder, and for a moment she was too sleepy or too confused to be appropriately horrified by this. 

Then, suddenly, she was. 

Her muscles tightening involuntary and her eyes suddenly wide open. But she could hardly move away quickly without startling him awake too. And the fact that as the moments went on she was less and less inclined to move certainly meant terrible things for the rest of the trip. 

_ What was wrong with her? _ It was as though the  _ don’t be an emotional idiot rule _ should’ve been directed at her and not  Kasius. 

Fortunately, Natan gave her a reason to move before she thought too much further down that path. He was fussing; no more than soft, high-pitched whimpers, but usually the kind that preceded a wailing meltdown. 

She rolled backward, allowing Kasius’s arms to slide off her before sitting and swinging her legs off the edge of the bed. She tried to move slowly, and lightly, but Kasius still stirred at the movement, his arms moving across the space where she had just been. 

Natan had managed to move out from underneath his blanket and was waving his arms and legs in the air. His face was scrunched up, and he was staring at the wall of his bassinet but looked up at her when the movement caught his attention. 

For a moment, he seemed too preoccupied to fuss, but it passed quickly, and the whimpers returned, even louder. She stooped and lifted him out of the crib, which did more to annoy him than calm him based on the way his face contorted. 

Sinara briefly considered making Kasius wake up before deciding against it. He’d mainly been in charge of caring for Natan in Qol at all hours of the day. Not to mention the three times he’d gotten up last night. 

Instead, she walked out of the bedroom and settled in the sitting room. 

Natan was not happier with the company, or at least her company; squirming and fussing in her arms no matter how she held him. Kasius was better at calming him;  _ perhaps they bonded over their shared fussiness _ , she thought dryly. 

Nevertheless, Natan wasn’t too fond of her, which suited her fine because she wasn’t fond of him either. Particularly when he didn’t want to be quiet. 

They sat for nearly an hour and every so often, he’d fall quiet for long enough for her to think he was feeling better. But, then, the whining would start up again. She tried rocking him and bouncing him as she’d seen Kasius do, but he didn’t take to that either. 

“Hush.” She muttered. “You’ll go to the nursery if you wake the entire wing.” 

Natan gurgled and smacked her in the chin, nowhere near hard enough to do more than surprise her. 

“I don’t know what that means.” She replied, trying not to sound quite as desperate as she felt. 

Natan broke out smiling suddenly, looking past her ear. 

“Maybe he’s just hungry.” 

She turned to see Kasius standing behind her. “Of course he’s happy now.” 

“I’m sure he doesn’t intend to hurt your feelings, Sinara. He just appreciates that I’m finally better at something than you are.”

“He doesn’t know who we are. And, you’re smarter than I am.” 

“Touching.” Kasius scoffed. 

Before Sinara could formulate an equally sarcastic response, someone was knocking on the door urgently enough to cause some alarm. 

Kasius straightened and made for the door. She watched as he went, trying to ignore the immediate return of Natan’s fussing. Kasius opened the door and immediately stiffened, which can’t have been a good sign. 

When the door immediately opened further, revealing his brother, Faulnak, who was looking at the scene in disdain. 

“Faulnak.” 

Faulnak hummed vaguely in response, glancing towards Sinara. She looked away, already tiring of the crown prince’s antics. 

“Kasius.” He said vaguely. “Welcome back, I suppose.” 

Kasius looked pained. “How kind.” 

“I see you’re content to drag the rest of us down with you.” Sinara saw him jerk his chin towards her. 

“Well, there’s no need for such unpleasantries this early in the morning. Why don’t you come in?” 

Kasius crossed to her and sat beside her on the couch, so close that he was practically in her lap. She wanted to glare at him, but she couldn’t very well do that without ruining their story. 

Faulnak sat down on the sofa across from his brother. “Well, I hope you’ll find your self-control somewhere before we’re entertaining the galaxy’s elite for the wedding.” 

“You needn’t be too concerned.” Kasius’s smile was polite, but even the most cursory glance at the light in his eyes was enough to understand the animosity behind his words. 

“So, you’re Sinara.” 

Sinara had met Faulnak before; more than five times since she’d begun working for Kasius. Yet, every time, he seemed not to recall ever knowing her. 

“You’ve met.” Kasius reminded him, as usual. 

Faulnak muttered something in the language spoken in Hala, likely intending for only Kasius to understand his meaning. Unfortunately, her Halan was more than passable.  _ Oh, your guard, I always told you she was a dreadful opportunist, why don’t you ever listen to us?  _

Kasius laughed, the arm closest to her looping over her shoulder. “Hardly, Faulnak, you’ll see this afternoon how out of favor I’ve fallen.” He hesitated for a moment, turning to look at her. “It was worth it.” 

And, because she couldn’t very well sit there like a corpse after he said something like that; she leaned her head against his shoulder, turning her face towards him. 

“Idiot.” She muttered, quietly enough that Faulnak wouldn’t know what she said, smiling appropriately so perhaps he’d think she said something nice. 

Kasius smiled at the comment and just agreed. “You’re right.” 

Then, instead of turning his attention back to Faulnak, he distracted himself with making some bizarre face at Natan, eliciting a few excited giggles from the baby. 

In spite of everything, the sound made her want to laugh too. 

Faulnak scoffed, pushing out of his chair. “I cannot watch this. Don’t forget the luncheon today with Father’s relatives. And, please, don’t be like  _ this _ .” 

He stalked towards the door, eventually turning to look back at them. “I admit, Kasius, I expected you to be worse at selling the ruse.” 

Sinara stiffened, finally looking up at Faulnak. Kasius was staring at his brother in a similarly horrified fashion. 

“Don’t worry, commoner. The whole thing was my idea.” 

When the door shut behind him, Kasius jumped away from her as though she’d given him an electrical shock. 

“I promise I didn’t know _ that _ .”  

“That much is clear.” 

“Oh, good.” His shoulders slumped forward. “That was awful.” 

It was hard not to be a bit offended by the comment, but more than that, it ached to hear in whatever idiot part of her brain was starting to get attached to the charade. She didn’t respond, opting instead to pass Natan to Kasius and standing. 

“I need to wash up.” She said off his curious look. 

 

**A F T E R N O O N**

Sinara took her time getting ready for the lunch, spending a good portion of that time feeling angry that the servants had left an outfit that she was expected to wear. Loose-fitting grey pants and white shirt made of a light, silky material, and the most uncomfortable and impractical shoes she had ever worn. It could have been worse, but she was already beginning to miss the freedoms of their life in Qol. 

She braided her hair in the everyday style she’d learned in the military. There was almost no way it was acceptable for a court event, which was precisely why she selected it. 

When she emerged from the bathroom, Kasius was sitting on the floor, his back against the couch. Natan was lying on the floor beside him on his back, squirming around. 

Kasius was speaking so soft that it took her a moment to realize he was speaking at all. And she still couldn’t quite make out what he was saying. Only that he was talking enthusiastically, and cheerfully, and most shockingly; simply. 

He paused, and Natan babbled back at him. 

“Is that so?” Kasius replied, poking lightly at Natan’s stomach causing the child to laugh hysterically. 

Sinara leaned against the wall, momentarily too surprised to stand up straight. It was such a profoundly strange thing to witness, she almost couldn’t understand what she was seeing. She wanted to want to mock him for it. She didn’t want to feel like her chest was caving in on itself while her heart tried to beat out of it. She didn’t want to feel anything about this; it was hardly worth it anyway, even real things were rarely worth it. And this wasn’t real, it would never be real. 

_ So it’s not worth it.  _ She repeated to herself. 

She cleared her throat. “Shouldn’t you get ready?” 

Kasius jumped and looked up at her. “Yes,” he stood and gestured to the place where he had been sitting before. “Would you?” 

Sinara nodded, beginning to move in the direction he’d indicated. She paused as they crossed each other in the middle of the room. 

“You were having fun.” She noted, her voice properly scathing. 

He blushed at the statement. “Steady on, Sinara, the majority the rest of us have feelings.” 

Sinara looked at him reproachfully. 

“Besides anger.” He added, brushing his middle and index finger along her jaw. His tone was light, teasing and affectionate. 

She jerked away from him, even though he’d already begun to move away. “Why?” 

“You did say it was allowed.” 

Sinara rolled her eyes and moved the rest of the way to where Natan lay on the floor; currently occupying himself with trying to bring and hold his hands together. 

When she sat down, he looked at her almost hopefully, tilting to the side but not rolling over. Sinara reached out to stop him from moving too far; Kasius had spread a blanket over the floor, but beneath it was a flimsy carpet over a stone floor. It wouldn’t do for him to hit his head. 

Kasius emerged a relatively short time later; he must have made record time in readying himself for the day. Usually, Sinara waited for over an hour. 

“Sinara,” he sounded nervous to get her attention. “You’ll have to look after Natan at the party. He’s expected to be there and…” 

Sinara glared at him. “He’s not even three months old, what use is he going to be?” 

Kasius shook his head. “Please, just this once?” 

The idea pained her, and perhaps she looked pained as well because Kasius looked at her sympathetically. “Please.” 

She didn’t exactly have a choice in the matter; it seemed as though she hadn’t had many of those recently..

“Fine.”

It was a short walk down the grand central staircase to the dining room where the luncheon was to be held. The gathering was already in full swing when they arrived. 

Around twenty people were gathered in the bright-sunlit room, scattered between sofas arranged together, standing in little clumps, and sitting at the long central table. 

Surprisingly, their entrance was no large incident. Taryan welcomed them and introduced them somewhat coolly, and other than a few skeptical looks, they were left to themselves. 

Faulnak introduced them to his fiancée, Ellar, who seemed a little vapid. She was more interested in meeting Natan than catching Faulnak’s hints that she and Kasius were not the sort she’d want to entangle with. 

“What a darling!” Ellar exclaimed, turning to Sinara “He looks so much like you!” 

Sinara frowned, the statement couldn’t possibly be farther from true. Natan had someone else’s wide eyes, tall nose, and hair that curled slightly. 

Kasius laughed, wrapping one of his arms around her waist. His fingers pressed tighter than necessary on her side, a reminder to be normal. “Precisely what I always say, though she doesn’t seem inclined to listen.” 

Sinara forced a smile and glanced at Kasius, and spoke in her best imitation of his voice. “It’s simply nonsense. He takes after his father, so, much better looking than I.” 

Kasius scoffed, and she felt the surprised spasm travel through every inch of his body pressed to hers. “Now, that is simply nonsense.” 

He leaned his forehead against the side of her head, his nose brushing the top of her ear. She thought he might’ve kissed her if it hadn’t been written out in the rules. It seemed like the moment, and the fluttering in the pit of her stomach seemed to agree. 

Ellar and Faulnak were looking on with two very different expressions. Faulnak looked vaguely sickened by the scene in front of him. Ellar was smiling widely. 

“You two are just the sweetest. Wherever did you find her, Kasius?” 

Fortunately, he was spared answering the question as Taryan was urging them all to sit down to eat. Sinara was almost sorry when Kasius extricated himself from her to pull out her chair. Of course, because it meant she’d have to converse for herself without him seated beside her,  _ of course _ . 

The meal that followed passed by quickly in a nearly dizzying array of food brought out and taken away every few minutes. Though Sinara didn’t touch any of it, primarily for fear of her life. She wouldn’t put it past anyone in the palace to try and get rid of her, knowing they probably wouldn’t face grave consequences. But Natan was fussing with all the activity around him, and it took all of her attention from her surrounding to keep him from being disruptive.

With the rapidly progressing and ever-changing dialogue of politics, reminiscing and subtle insults, Kasius couldn’t afford to spare either of them a moment's attention. Even when Natan managed to catch the end of her braid in his waving hand, pulling her head around with surprising strength. 

She carefully pried his fingers away from the tail of her braid, allowing him to amuse himself by smacking her hand instead. Natan’s sheer wonder at being able to do something so simple was infinitely more entertaining than whatever the courtiers were discussing. 

Sinara glanced up to see the disapproving state of several elderly relatives fixed on her. But, as they noticed her noticing them, they looked away quickly. She grit her teeth, trying not to allow the attention to bother her. 

Mercifully, the meal lasted only an hour before people began to rise and move about the room again. She did so as well, intending to make her way back to Kasius’s side as quickly as possible. Only to run into a gaggle of the female relatives, who finally seemed interested in talking to her. They were led by Ellar, the bride, but were a mixed bunch of elderly aunts, mothers in their middle-age, and two younger girls. All-in-all, a party of eight ready to welcome her the family. Or gather material to mock her, and probably the latter. 

Sinara squared her shoulders and tried for a friendly look. Though, she couldn’t be sure if it came out looking like one. 

“So you’re Sinara? So good to finally meet you. We’ve heard so much of you over the years from what Kasius passes on to his father.” One of the older women began. “What a way to meet someone, being their guard? You certainly were quite lucky there.” 

_ Sure, I’m the lucky one _ . Sinara thought, sardonic even talking to no one. 

“Yes, I suppose I am.”

“And this is your son?” Another woman, this time elderly, piped up. 

Sinara nodded. “Natan.”

Most of the women made a face at the name.

“How original.” 

Of course, by which, she meant  _ nontraditional.  _

Sinara smiled again, trying to be gracious but knowing she was going to come off as aggressive. “Thank you!” 

“How old is the boy?” Another of the elderly women asked. 

“Three months.” Sinara wasn’t particularly confident in that information having never seen a birth certificate. But it would be rather silly for her not to know such things. 

“Three months and you look so well already!” Ellar exclaimed. 

“Must be all that guard work.” One of the middle-aged women said disdainfully. “I suppose he didn’t allow you much time off, even since you’re here.”

Her friend, a woman tall and broad enough to be slightly intimidating even to Sinara, agreed. “I was kept resting for five months after having both my children.” 

Sinara honestly was unsure of how to respond. “He thought he would miss us terribly if we didn’t come and the doctor saw no risk in it.” 

Perhaps if you spent more time on your health, you’d be fine too. And yet you look down on guard work. 

“Or you don’t want him running off with some more suitable girl?” 

“Loua, don’t say such things!” Ellar scolded. “I think the whole thing is terribly romantic. He’s very attached to her.”

_ Gross.  _

“Attached, yes. Such is the way for newlywed commoners who care nothing for what their parents say.” The elderly woman, Loua, continued. “How long ago were you married?” 

Loua’s eyes fell to the shining, undamaged gold band on her forearm. Sinara shifted Natan a bit, so his blanket covered the band. Perhaps it was a bad thing that the thing looked so new. 

“Six months ago.” She responded the answer she and Kasius had agreed upon. 

All of the women immediately glanced at Natan, then her middle, then the arm that bore the band. A look of realization dawning on their faces. Then,  _ horror _ . 

“I was wondering why you didn’t have the scar marks.” 

“I’m hemophilic.” She explained, her tone pointed to reprimand them for what they all must be thinking. 

“How long have you known each other?” Ellar pressed. 

“Seven years.” 

Ellar cooed loudly and annoyingly enough to rival the baby now dozing in her arms. “So long and you’ve only been together such a short time? There must be an amazing story there. Why did you finally decide to do it?” 

Sinara was beyond shocked at how little this woman understood of the conversation. “For the child.” 

“A word, Ellar?” One of the older women announced, pulling her to the side. Most of the women trailed after them, not wanting to leave the bride’s side. 

Loua stayed near Sinara, grabbing her arm discreetly and pulling her into an alcove near a window. 

“You must have had a difficult year, my dear. For one as small as yourself, you must have been very ill and tired.”

Sinara wasn’t sure how that pieced together from a medical perspective, so she merely shrugged. “Everything was f—-“ 

“I don’t particularly care.” Loua interrupted. “I just wanted to discourage listeners.” 

Sinara blinked. “Pardon?” 

“I know your type. You don’t grow up the emperor's daughter and not learn a few things. You want to use my nephew for some money, or power grab. And dear, I’ll stop you know. It will never work.” 

“This isn’t about power, or money” Sinara responded because it wasn’t. Not to her, or Kasius, probably. But for her, she supposed it was for him alone. “I c— I married your nephew because I love him. I understand that’s a foreign concept—“ 

Loua scoffed. “None of that matters, idiot. You love him, you don’t, so what?  Doesn’t make a difference because you’ll never be good enough for us. For him.”

 

**E V E N I N G**

They sat on a blanket in a secluded, grassy section of the garden. The area was surrounded by hedges blooming with pink and white flowers, and one hundred feet down the hill, a stream babbled over rocks. The evening sun covered the city in soft orange light, and in the shade of the bush with the sun fading from the sky, the air was slightly chilly. 

Sinara sat, arms wrapped loosely around the knee she’d pulled halfway to her chest, staring down the hill towards the stream. She was fuming from the afternoon’s festivities and with herself for letting it get to her. 

Kasius, for once, let her sit in silence, not pestering her for what was wrong. 

“Your family really hates me.” She said finally, knowing he was dying to know nonetheless. 

“Did you truly expect anything more?” He asked. 

Sinara wasn’t sure why she had expected more sympathy from him and had to laugh at herself. “I don’t know.” 

“It’s not your fault that all of them are— all of us are, wrapped up in our titles and money. Many of them haven’t come to the realization that those things don’t define worth entirely.”

She didn’t respond, letting the conversation lull for a moment, content to let it disappear altogether now that his questions were answered. But, Kasius had more to say. 

“It means the plan is working if that’s any consolation. And we’ll be back in Qol in a few days.” 

Sinara nodded, glancing down at Natan, sleeping on the blanket between them, breathing in quiet, regular puffs. 

_ What then?  _

The question was out of her mouth before she knew whether it was what she  _ should _ say. 

Kasius shook his head. “I’ve not thought that far ahead. I suppose we carry on as we always have. I suppose I’ll hire someone to help me care for Natan.”

Just like that, no assumption, no obligation for her to continue in her current role. 

“When asked, we’ll tell people things are going well between us, though, other than that it doesn’t matter what we do.” Kasius reached over and tapped the gold cuff bracelet on her left arm. “You’ll have to continue wearing this as I will mine. And you can’t marry.” 

“What will he call you?” She asked, eyes flickering to the child again. “What will you tell him about all this?” 

It was horribly complicated for her not to be involved at all. He’d be told by the world that she was his mother, but it seemed like that wasn’t the role Kasius wanted her in. Nor, one that suited her particularly well. But, she wished no harm on Natan. 

Kasius was quiet for a long time, likely considering all the things she was. When he spoke all he had to offer was “I don’t know.” 

She glanced up, not only was it something she rarely heard from him, but some tension caught his voice. He spoke quieter than usual and sounded as though forming the words cost him a considerable effort. 

Kasius was already looking at her; his eyes almost terrifyingly devoid of emotion, yet still piercing. She felt too warm, and some force was tempting her to lean closer to him-  _ had she _ ? She didn’t know. 

It felt like they stared for a long-- too long, of a moment before he seemed to get ready to speak again. Only to be interrupted by Natan beginning to fuss and stir on the blanket. 

Kasius laughed though not humorously at the interruption and looked away, busying himself with picking up Natan and muttering an indecipherable babble of questions and assurances to the child. 

Sinara looked away, suddenly worried that if she didn’t, she’d do something ridiculous like start crying. But sitting there, looking out over the garden bathed in the last light of day and listening to Kasius trying to calm the child; she had a thought. 

_ It should just stay like this _ . 

But all that was too fleeting a thought to concern herself with. 

  
  



	3. Chapter Three

**Two Days Later**

**M O R N I N G**

 

Sinara woke up before the sun had properly risen, the sky was grey outside the window. The room was considerably colder than it had been the night before. Kasius slept behind her, his chest pressing against her back, one arm over her waist. She couldn’t bring herself to care about how compromising a gesture it was when the air on her face was so cold.

Which in itself was a slightly worrying fact, not to mention she didn’t recall being woken by Natan’s fussing.

Sinara slipped out of bed, the marble floors so cold it hurt against her bare feet. She skirted the bed, creeping to the bassinet where Natan slept. He lay awake in the dark then, making it even odder that he hadn’t cried yet. His fingers were cold to the touch.

Sinara knew enough from the orphanage that that was rarely a good sign with such young ones. She leaned over and lifted him out of the bassinet, bringing his blanket with him. She tucked the ends of the blanket around him loosely as she walked back to her side of the bed and sat down.

She shifted slowly until her legs were tucked back under the covers and she was leaning against a few of the excessive number of pillows. Sinara hitched the blanket up a bit to shield Natan from the air.

He fidgeted in her arms, shifting his shoulders and arms around, his tiny mouth twisting into a displeased or confused frown.

“Don’t start crying now.” She muttered, feeling a bit indignant. “This is a good thing.”

He stilled and stared back at her like he was asking what exactly she meant by that. For a brief moment, she thought it had worked; but his face contorted and he let out a faint cry.

She shushed him, running her hand along his cheek, jaw, then chest, vaguely hoping it would distract him for a little longer.

Natan caught her index finger, almost unintentionally, in trying to figure out what the object touching him was. His head lolled to the side so he could see what he had caught, eyes opening wider.

“Don’t be surprised. You also have one of those.” She muttered, trying, and hearing herself failing not to laugh at him. “Ten of them, actually.”

Natan cooed in response, somehow sounding like he was asking a question.

Kasius stirred, then propped himself up on his elbow to look at them. He yawned massively before speaking. “You look happy for what, five in the morning?”

Sinara wiped the smile off her face, hoping it was dark enough yet in the room that he couldn’t tell she was blushing.

“Go back to sleep.” She replied.

Instead, he sat up. “Why is he talking? Is he hungry? I haven’t fed him since before we had dinner. Maybe I need to change him? Why are you up?”

“I can’t answer any of those questions.”

“You can answer the last one, I should hope.”

“It was too cold for him to sit alone on his bed.”

Kasius laughed, unexpectedly for all the anxiety in his voice the last time he spoke, and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “I think you’re starting to like him.”

Sinara didn’t have a free hand to push him aside, so she tried leaning her head a bit towards him to push him away. “Shut up.”

Kasius didn’t move away, tightening his arm and pulling her close enough to rest her head against his shoulder. “Well, just be careful, I’m still expecting you to fake your death to get out of the rest of this, and I should hate for that to become more difficult.”

Sinara scoffed. “You want me to fake my death?”

Kasius hummed vaguely, leaning his head against hers. “Not right now, Sinara. I’m falling asleep on you.”

Moments later, before she could decide what insult to throw his way; his breathing was already evening out and his arm relaxing around her shoulder.

Sinara didn’t even know if she wanted to attempt to untangle whatever had just happened. _I’m still expecting you to fake your death, I should hate for that to become more difficult._ She wasn’t sure  that he was being sarcastic. And more pressingly, she was beginning to wonder if that was something he wanted her to do.

It was something she might have considered then if she were able to focus on anything but the feeling of Kasius’s arm around her shoulder. The electricity of the touch was delayed, but sitting there it felt like every nerve in her body was alive rushing towards the parts of her he touched.

And not at all in a bad way.

She took a deep breath, turning her gaze to Natan, dozing in her arms, still holding onto her finger loosely. It was all right, she’d avoided thinking about how she felt about Kasius for over five years, she didn’t have to start now.

While she was at it, she would ignore the way her heart jumped a little at the sight of Natan holding her hand in his sleep.

It wasn’t her place.

 

**A F T E R N O O N**

 

Faulnak’s wedding was the next day, yet bizarrely, there was a large party the night before the wedding. The logic certainly seemed skewed by Sinara’s standards, but it wasn’t up to her.

And neither was anything that happened to her that afternoon.

Servants had arrived four-and-a-half hours before the party to help her get ready. At least she had been allowed to bathe herself, but that was the end of it. The servants had dried and fixed up her hair in a complicated braid piled on top of her head.

They dressed her a long gown; black with an artfully asymmetrical, jagged neckline and straps that exposed her shoulders and upper back. It was belted with a gold band around her waist that matched the one adorning her wrist, and the skirt fell straight to the floor. It was simultaneously the prettiest and most uncomfortable thing she’d ever worn, and the heeled shoes she was told to wear did little to help that fact.

She was going to kill Kasius if he had anything to do with the planning of this outfit.

Once they had her dressed, with her hair done, she was sat down in a chair, and a silk was thrown over the front of her body. The servants spoke softly in the Halan language about what makeup they were going to put on her.

Silver, white, and gold powders were spread out on the vanity in front of her, nothing she would ever have chosen to put on herself.

“Close your eyes.” One of the servants said, speaking Qol’s language with a heavy affectation.

Sinara resisted the urge to roll them before doing so. Immediately, one of the servants was brushing something cold, and wet across her face; some sort of cream. And she had to resist the urge to jerk away from that.

“What can be done about this?” One of them said, speaking again in Halan.

“What?” Another voice said the one who was working on her at present. The servant didn’t pause in her efforts.

“The scar.” The other responded, speaking as though the word was taboo, as though she was ashamed to have seen it.

The servant’s brush drew back from her face, replaced moments later with another brush; this time dry and tickling.

“There’s nothing we can do.” The servant close to her said. “Even if we fix that eyesore they’ll only see all the ones on her shoulders.”

Sinara would be lying if she said the comment didn’t sting a little.

The other servant clucked, the sound was full of pity. “Such a disgrace. It makes you wonder what the hell Prince Kasius was thinking.”

The other hummed in agreement.

“She might be pretty without all them, but such is life for people like her. Violent and ugly.”

Clearly, they must think she didn’t speak of word of their language the way they talked about her. They sounded like Kasius going on one of his tangents about someone they’d seen on the street, or one of his contacts that he wasn’t particularly fond of; mocking their every visible flaw.

She wondered if he ever spoke in such a manner about her. _Probably_ , she supposed, _I’ve heard him say most of these things about someone or another._

“It’s such a pity for Lady Takeera, such a lovely girl, and would’ve made a fine princess.”

The woman working moved on to brushing some cool liquid on around her eyes. A second servant started work dabbing specks of something onto her cheekbones and across the bridge of her nose.

“What was he thinking, bringing this savage into the palace. We must all pity the Emperor for the trouble this must be.”

“If only they’d chosen something a little less revealing for the festivities. It would be less humiliating for him.”

“Did you expect better from a _whore_?”

Sinara’s eyes flew open, rage coursing through her at the last comment. “Get out.” She spoke in their native Halan, as she admonished them. “I could get you a firing squad for such insults. But _someone like me_ doesn’t need them.”

The two of them backed away from her when she stood, backing towards the door.

“We didn’t realize—” One of them began, as though it would make it better.

Sinara stalked towards the door, forcing them out of the room. “Get out of my sight.”

At her words, the pair of servants disappeared into the main room, ignoring Kasius’s confused questions in their hurry towards the exit.

She paused in the doorway, watching them leave before turning to Kasius. He was sitting on the couch, feeding Natan from one of the small glass bottles the servants prepared for them and looking baffled.

“What happened?”

Sinara looked to the side, catching sight of her reflection in the mirror, one of her eyes was elegantly made-up with black liner and powder, the other was unfinished.

She sighed. “Can you help me?”

Kasius shot up giving her a look of such concern that she nearly felt bad for getting so angry in the first place. He followed her into the dressing room, to the vanity and, when she had sat down again, he passed Natan to her.

Kasius sat beside her in the chair the servant had occupied before. She thought he might ask her what had happened. Instead, he laid his cool hand on her upper arm, prompting her to look away from Natan to him.

“You look lovely.” He muttered, his eyes darting around her face, maybe in concern, or maybe simply taking stock of the servants’ work. “All right, let me see…”

 

**E V E N I N G**

 

The festivities were everything Sinara had dreaded they would be. The room was lit by purple and yellow lights and decorated with more flowers than she’d ever seen in one place; climbing the walls, set out on tables, arched over the windows and doors.

The thing was held in the palace’s largest garden pavilion, half of which had been set up with tables for dining, the other half was a floor where guests mingled and danced. The place was enormous and yet still managed to be crowded.

They were announced by a man standing near the door before being allowed to make their way into the room. Though, how anyone could make out his words over the shrieking music from the orchestra and the cacophony of conversations was beyond her.

“Sinara, you’re hurting my arm,” Kasius muttered, brushing his free hand across the one she had on his arm.

She relaxed her grip on his arm and glowered at him.

“We’ll only have to be here for a few hours, then we can go to the room.” Kasius murmured. He paused near one of the windows open to the garden beyond the pavilion and turned to her. Her hand slid off his arm, but he caught it and pulled it towards him, drawing her into his personal space.

Sinara’s heart skipped a beat. “What are we doing?” She muttered, trying not to sound as breathless as she suddenly felt.

Kasius frowned at her. “Talking!”

“Like this?”

Kasius just smiled at her. “You agreed to it, rule three, remember? Goodness, how many times must I remind you?”

She couldn’t very well argue with that point, so tilted her head in a silent question. _What did you want to talk about?_

“I don’t know, what do you want to talk about?”  

“Nothing.”

“We must do something, we can’t stand here in silence. It would be _very_ suspicious.”

Sinara nodded. “There are too many flowers here.”

Kasius laughed at that, turning to look at the wall. “You’re absolutely right. It’s not what I would have chosen, particularly because these flowers produce pollen that more than half of the population is allergic to. They’re native to Xandar, actually, thus—”

“Didn’t you know the custom upon arriving at a party is to thank and congratulate the host?”

Faulnak was standing behind them, glaring at Kasius; Ellar hanging on his arm.

Ellar smiled. “Welcome, you two!”

Faulnak rolled his eyes at his fiancee’s antics, and it briefly occurred to Sinara that they were possibly the worst matched pair in all of the time. Her fraudulent marriage was almost infinitely more functional.

“Faulnak, Ellar, Congratulations,” Kasius said through a tight-lipped smile. “Apologies for not speaking to you sooner, we didn’t wish to overwhelm you, I imagine you are well-sought out this evening.”

_Obviously._

“Natan isn’t here tonight?” Ellar asked, finishing her sentence with an elegantly staged look of disappointment.

“Your invitation said this was for adults only.” Sinara returned blankly.

Kasius wrapped an arm around her waist; a casual gesture that made no effort to pull her any closer to him. “He’s in the care of a nurse until tomorrow after the ceremony, not to worry, Ellar.”

Ellar sighed in sympathy, bringing one of her hands to rest on Sinara’s shoulder. “No wonder you look so miserable, you must be very concerned.”

Kasius’s hand tightened on her waist, a silent warning not to jump away from Ellar. She grimaced at her instead.

“It is difficult.”

Ellar patted her on the cheek. “By this time tomorrow, the whole thing will be over.”

“I cannot wait.” At least that much was honest.

“Ellar, we have other matters to attend to,” Faulnak announced, his voice chilling and imperious.

Ellar only smiled brightly and nodded. “We’ll continue this later!” She called over her shoulder, already moving away.

Faulnak leaned, glaring at both of them. “If you two would consider acting appropriately before someone starts a war, it would be much appreciated.”

Before Kasius could respond, Faulnak had disappeared back into the throng of people.

“Shall we?” Kasius muttered, his arm moving from her waist so he could hold out a hand to her.

“Shall we what?” Sinara was already suspicious.

“Act appropriately.” Kasius sounded as though it should be terribly obvious. “Dance with me?”

Sinara bit back a groan. “I suppose.”

He led her away from the window and towards the dance floor. The song playing was soft and slow, and fortunately, the dance seemed to entail standing in one spot and swaying around.

Kasius wrapped an arm around her waist, taking her hand with his free one, her free hand rested on his shoulder.

“You hate this already, don’t you?”

Sinara shrugged, too distracted by the stares of everyone around them. _Honestly, what did they expect?_

“Everyone is staring.”

“Because you look beautiful, they mean nothing by it.”

Sinara shook her head. “Or they think it’s indecent to show scars in public.”

Kasius didn’t comment on it further than a sad smile. “I wish we could go home too.”

Sinara nodded.

“I quite miss him, is that strange.”

Sinara frowned. “Who?”

“Natan.”

Sinara was about to tell him that yes, it was. Instead, she shook her head. “I don’t think so.”

“I knew it,” Kasius said, sounding terribly pleased with himself. The arm around her waist tightening a bit. “You like him too.”

“I’ll kill you in front of everyone.” She tried for a glare, but something in his eyes made it hard not to want to laugh with him.

“It’s not such a terrible thing, Sinara. He is very sweet.”

Sinara nodded, agreeing without a second thought.

He stopped laughing, not breaking eye contact with her, adopting a more serious expression. He didn’t look particularly upset, his gaze was soft, emotional but mostly unreadable. She wasn’t sure if she imagined him leaning a little closer. Were she more like Kasius, she might have said something about the gaze felt magnetic, but of course, that was stupid.

If she didn’t know any better, she might’ve thought he was about to kiss her. And that thought made her flush, and her heart beat irregular in her chest.

“Sinara,” He began, her name sounded almost like a question. A question she wasn’t entirely sure she would give the best answer to.

Thankfully, she was saved any more of the nonsense by movement over Kasius’s shoulder; someone approaching them.

“We have company.” She said, the quiet urgency in her tone not matching his.

Kasius’s expression changed instantly, and he released her hand so he could turn around to greet whoever it was. But, with only a cursory glance over his shoulder, he turned back to her with an alarmed expression on his face.

“Who is it?”

“Takeera, who I would’ve married if I had known what was good for me.” He spoke dryly like it was a joke, but the words were probably true.

“Why didn’t you just do that?”

“Her father is powerful but increasingly controversial, my father could hardly risk it.”

“Kasius?” Takeera sounded surprised to see him, which was utterly ridiculous. Their presence had to be the topic of the week. “It’s been too long, can I cut in?”

Kasius turned away from her but didn’t release her waist.

“What a lovely surprise.” His tone was the combination of warm and icy that made politicians so difficult to understand.

“You look well,” Takeera continued, then turned her gaze to Sinara. “You must be his lover, from Qol. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Kasius coughed. “My wife, Sinara.”

Sinara’s chest tightened at the introduction, and it was almost difficult to school her face into a polite smile.

“Charming.” Takeera smiled, sounding very insincere. “You’re a braver woman than I, Sinara.”

The comment failed to sound like a compliment, and probably wasn’t meant to be one.

”Do you mind if I borrow Kasius for a dance, for old time’s sake?”

“Of course. I was just thinking, I need some air.” Sinara smiled despite Kasius’s horrified look. “You’ll find me after?”

He nodded, and Sinara extricated herself from the hold he had on her waist.  

“See you in a bit.” She said, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek before turning away.

A gesture that she had plenty of time to regret in the following thirty minutes she spent standing near the window, looking anywhere but at Kasius and Takeera who went dance after dance, talking through the intervals where people left and joined the dancing. They spoke easily without a shred of the awkwardness there had been between them that evening.

_Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. If you can’t even take thirty minutes of dancing how in the world are you going to survive this being the rest of your life?_

“Sinara!” Kasius had appeared in front of her, bearing two glasses of whatever drink the servants were carrying around on trays; some alarmingly purple liquid. “There you are!”

Sinara jumped at his voice, then rolled her eyes trying to play off the horrible tension radiating from the center of her chest, setting her on the edge of some worse outburst. She sounded angrier than she meant to when she spoke. “Have fun?”

“Not too much, don’t worry.” He said, passing her the glass.

Sinara pushed it back towards him. “I can’t drink that.”

Kasius narrowed his eyes. “It’s champagne! They’ve only dyed it purple.”

“It could be poisoned.”

Kasius set the glasses on a sideboard, taking her hands in his. “That’s a tad dramatic, Sinara. I wouldn’t poison you.”

“Most other people in this room don’t have any reservations on that front.”

Kasius grazing his thumb across her chin, looking genuinely concerned. “No one is trying to kill you, I promise.”

Sinara pulled away from him, and none too subtly, attracting the stares of several groups surrounding them. “You think your would-be fiancée danced with you for thirty minutes out of good will? Please.”

Kasius tried to catch her hands again, but she was already turning away. “Let’s step outside a moment.”

Sinara shook her head. “Don’t come with me.”

There was a door a few steps behind her which she slipped through discreetly and wandered out into the garden. She was beyond annoyed with the events of the day, and even more annoyed that she’d allowed it all the annoy her.

_None of this was even real, so why in the world was she so bent out of shape over it?_

She wished she were back in their quarters, or, better still back in Qol and far away from this nonsense.

Sinara turned back to the window, expecting to see Kasius watching her through it; ruining the charade like an idiot.

Instead, she watched him disappear back into the crowd with Takeera, which was undeniably worse in every possible way.

_Whatever_. She turned towards the path that would eventually lead her back to the main palace; she was starting to think faking her death wasn’t a half-bad option.

 

**N I G H T**

 

The nurse seemed surprised to see her bursting through the door and motioned frantically for her to be quieter.

Sinara slowed at the gestures, taking a few breaths to calm herself. She was dizzy, though she wasn’t sure if it was from the alcohol or the anger coursing through her, perhaps both.

“I didn’t think you’d be home tonight, ma’am.” The nurse managed. “The prince mentioned you would be staying at the venue until after the reception.”

Sinara shrugged, honestly having forgotten all of that, and was failing to think of an excuse. “I came back because… ”

The nurse smiled sympathetically. “I understand, it’s hard to leave them alone at first. Though I haven’t met many ladies of your standing, who allow such things to bother them.”

Sinara forced a smile. “Of course. If you don’t mind, I’ll turn in now. You needn’t stay.”

The nurse nodded, opening her mouth to speak, but any words were lost when Sinara brushed past her into the bedroom and shut the door behind her.

Before walking further into the room, she removed her shoes, the belt around her waist, and the golden cuff on her arm. The latter hadn’t been removed in a week; the symbol of the faked commitment, the faked relationship, the stupid thing symbolized the whole mess in some way. _That’s something Kasius would say._ She realized bitterly. _Not something I would._

In his crib, Natan began to wail; she’d woken him.

Sinara crossed to the crib and lifted him out of it; the crying stopped nearly instantly when she appeared in his line of vision. Relief too palpably warm to bother fighting or denying spread through her chest at the sight and feel of Natan in her arms. _It’s just that, she was so tired…_

Sinara held him close to her chest still, bouncing a bit as she’d seen Kasius do to comfort him, though the gesture may have been more for herself than Natan.

“Sorry.” She told him, instantly wondering why she’d done it. “The party was as awful as I thought it would be.” She continued, still wondering why she was talking.

Natan shifted his head against her shoulder, his nose brushed the base of her neck, his breathing tickling against her neck.

“Kasius is impossible.” She told him, apparently half-asleep, and upset as she was, she had no intention of not talking. 

_I’m expecting you to fake your death after this._

_You look lovely._

_She’s the one I would have married if I knew what was good for me._

_I wish we could go home._

“I don’t wish he was here, but—” she did. She shook her head and tried again. “I never want to talk to him again.”

That much was true, part of her didn’t. Part of her was half-terrified of what she’d do, or what they would do to each other. The courtiers made her afraid, what if she wasn’t enough? She knew her own worth well enough, but it wasn’t very well applicable to any of this. From court events to caring for Natan; it wasn’t for her.

_I’m not supposed to be here._

“It’s a good thing he seems amenable to my faking my death.” She muttered to no one in particular.

Natan huffed in response, one of his hands bunching in the material of her dress.

“I’d leave you,” Sinara told him, bluntly, as though it were a counterargument to a point she hadn’t been making. “And I don’t think I want to.”

  



	4. Chapter Four

**M O R N I N G**

 

Sinara spent the morning being violently ill. Enough so that she was reasonably concerned that someone actually had managed to poison her at the previous night’s festivities. 

Once she could stand without immediately feeling like her stomach was doing somersaults; she washed her hands and face and made for the door, which opened just as she reached for the handle. 

Kasius peered around the edge of the door. 

“You’re back.” She stated blankly, hoping the tension in her stomach was anger and not a sign that she was going to be ill again.  _ And _ hoping he would hurry up and move out of her way. 

“Are you all right? You should have told me you were ill, you disappeared last night!” 

Sinara pushed past him. “I’m fine.” 

“You’ve been in there for over ten minutes.” 

“I did tell you I was right to be concerned about being poisoned.” It was likely impossible for her to have been. But it was easier than explaining that she thought she was having some sort of nervous breakdown. 

Kasius followed her into the bedroom, sitting beside her when she laid back down. 

“You should have said something. I would have come back. I stayed at—” 

Sinara held up a hand. “Please don’t talk to me.” 

Kasius fell silent for a moment before she heard him take another breath. “Can I help?” 

“How long until we have to be ready for the wedding?” 

Kasius hesitated. “Four hours. Are you certain you’re well enough—” 

“Yes.” Sinara rolled onto her side to face him. 

Instantly, he reached out, checking the temperature of her forehead. “You don’t have a fever.” 

“For the fifth time, I am fine.” 

Kasius opened his mouth to protest again, though Natan, wailing from his bassinet interrupted him. 

Sinara suppressed a groan and sat up, the muscles of her stomach protesting the movement instantly. Kasius put a hand on her shoulder. 

“For goodness’ sake, just lay down, you’re scaring me. I will take care of it.” 

Sinara allowed him to push her back onto the pillows, not fighting the exhaustion that quickly overcame her. 

She woke sometime later, disoriented, but feeling much less terrible to Kasius shaking her shoulder gently. 

“What is it?” The words came out confused and slightly slurred in her half-asleep state. 

“It’s time to wake up.” His hand brushed the side of her face, and for some reason, the gesture was infuriating, tempting the tension building in her chest a little closer to snapping. 

 

**A F T E R N O O N**

 

Faulnak’s wedding ceremony took place in a blank, perfectly rectangular, pure white, stone room. 

Faulnak and Ellar stood elevated above their guests on a dais, dressed in white and gold; the traditional Halan wedding colors. Their parents and grandparents were arrayed behind them. 

The whole affair was presided over by the palace’s head legal official, who first directed the families to pledge their allegiances to one another. 

Taryan and Ellar’s father repeated the words, forgettable promises of helping the other win glories and defend their people. They completed their ceremony by trading knives engraved with their families’ sigil; which were then presented to Faulnak and Ellar. 

Sinara’s feet ached in her uncomfortable shoes, and her head was spinning a bit; undoubtedly, she was dehydrated from being ill. 

A servant presented Faulnak with a small pot containing the liquid gold into which he dipped his knife. Ellar pushed the silk drape off her shoulder, bared the spot below her left collarbone where he would leave an incision as he spoke his vows. 

_    As two lives become one, I vow to you my honor, my loyalty, and my love. To value our union above all and through all the tribulations of this life. That the strength of my love will remain unwavering and undefeated until my heart will beat no longer.  _

   Ellar did the same to him, spoke the same empty recitation. Splashes of the blood from the lacerations marred the pristine white stone floor. 

   Then, they repeated the dipping and lacerations on the top of their hands, speaking the second part of their vows in unison. 

_    I swear on the stars’ light above and all the space between them that I am yours and you are mine to my last breath and beyond.  _

   It was such bullshit. 

   Beside her, Kasius winced as more drops of blood hit the floor, his fingers tracing along the gold band on her forearm. A silent prayer of thanks that they hadn’t had to do the same unpleasant tradition, he always was so scared of blood. 

   She breathed a sigh of relief that she hadn’t had to say any of the vows, drawing an amused look from Kasius. 

   Then, a group of servants dressed in silver robes whisked Faulnak and Ellar off the dais, and it was over as suddenly and efficiently as it had been performed. 

 

**E V E N I N G**

 

The reception was a whirlwind of activity; person after person approaching the family to congratulate them, and more often than not, making requests of the Emperor. And every time, without fail, to hurl some comment at her. 

By her count, the dizzying wave of people didn’t let up for four hours. Four hours of awkward smiles and listening to Kasius correct anyone who insulted them. His words and movements were unnatural; the space between them seemed impenetrably awkward, full of the things he was wondering and she wouldn’t tell him.

Eventually, the talk slowed, and people around their table began to eat. Again, she didn’t dare touch the plate put in front of her; something the woman sitting beside her took issue with that. 

“Why aren’t you eating? Don’t you know that’s quite rude?” 

Kasius leaned over, draping his arm over her shoulders. “Sinara hasn’t been well today, I’m afraid the chef will have to get over himself.” 

The elderly woman scoffed. “And she is not the center of her own universe anymore. What of your son? She should be healthy!” 

Sinara looked at Kasius, half expecting to share a look of shock with him. Only he wouldn’t meet her eyes, only tightening his arm around her shoulders.

“That’s not quite how illnesses work,” Kasius corrected with a tight smile. 

The old woman snorted. “Trust a soldier not to understand any of these things. Does she even speak?” 

Sinara rolled her eyes. “Yes.” 

At the same time, Kasius laughed, and kissed her cheek, and said “Not very often,”

“Show some decency.” The old woman muttered, prompting Kasius to wrap his other arm around her, pulling her halfway out of her chair into his arms. 

“Stop it,” She said flatly, louder than she meant to, drawing the attention of the people sitting near them. It was clear on all of their faces that they hadn’t missed the hint of a spat. 

She forced a smile and glanced towards Kasius. “Darling,” she said hesitantly, completely unsure of what pet name it even made sense to call him.  “I’m not feeling very well. Could we step outside a moment?” 

Kasius stood immediately, offered her his arm and an apologetic smile to everyone else. “Excuse us a moment.” 

Sinara tried to ignore the stares that followed them out of the room, the dead silence that came over the room as everyone began to notice, and the outburst of whispers just before the door shut behind them. 

_ “What the hell are you doing? _ ” They snapped at each other in unison, then shared a mutual look of confusion. The exclamation echoed off the arched ceiling of the deserted hallway. 

“You’re acting strange!” Kasius accused, finding his voice first. 

“I am acting strange? You’re the one intent on screwing this up!”

“You’ve barely spoken, or smiled, or done anything today!” Kasius snapped. “You understand of course that if you were to do something, if  _ we were _ to do something that suggested we were not perfectly happy, you would be in incredible danger.” 

They both knew it, though it hadn’t been discussed. Kasius couldn’t get the words out evenly. 

“Says the man who stayed out the whole night, likely with the person he should have married.” Sinara returned. “You comment to others every chance you get about how this was a terrible idea.”

Kasius looked genuinely taken about. “Excuse me? I have been an exemplary,” he paused. “Pretend spouse. I wouldn’t put you in danger. Even when you insist on making it impossible!” 

“I didn’t choose this, you’ll recall.” 

Kasius actually looked hurt. “Why wouldn’t you tell me you didn’t want to? Why would you do it?” 

He reached for her, looking so upset that she let him catch her arm and pull her into his personal space. 

“You asked me to.” She replied. She wanted to look away from him but couldn’t, something in his eyes made her afraid to look elsewhere. 

_ I haven’t been the center of my own universe for a long while.  _

“Sinara,” He began, never making it to the end of his thought, as she pressed her lips to him, her hand raising to his cheek, pulling him closer. His grip on her arm tightened, but otherwise, he didn’t respond. 

 

It wasn’t passionate. It wasn’t electric. It was a relief, an answer, a certainty, but not one Sinara wanted to be sure of. 

Sinara pulled away, her eyes fluttered open, not meeting his. She was already turning away suddenly too afraid of what she would see there. “I’ll see you at home.” 

Kasius didn’t stop her. 

  
  


**N I G H T**

 

Kasius didn’t return to the quarters for several hours, time which she spent well; getting more and more furious with herself. Then, psyching herself up for when he eventually would come up, and ask her to leave. 

Sinara sat by Natan’s bassinet; he was napping, doing nothing particularly interesting, but she couldn’t look away. She should’ve had a little more sense, if only so that she could have stayed with him. 

How in the world she’d managed to grow so attached, so fiercely protective of one person in such a short time was beyond her. In the beginning had taken her three months not to want to murder Kasius when he entered the same room as her. Yet, here she was, calmed by the mere knowledge that Natan was here; safe and sleeping. 

_ You’re not the center of your universe anymore.  _

The woman’s words rang in her head. Not one month ago, she might have happily refused to help Kasius with this whole thing. She had refused to help him take care of Natan unless doing so helped her. Now, she was dreading leaving both of them, no matter how awful it would feel to stay, she wasn’t sure if she could go. 

She should’ve taken the words as a warning, not an invitation to be a complete idiot. 

_ Fuck! _

Sinara heard the door open and shut out in the main room, followed by quiet movements;  a jacket being removed and discarded, footsteps as Kasius made his way through the apartment slowly. 

He stopped short in the doorway. “There you are.” He sounded more relieved than angry. “I worried you might have left already.” 

Sinara nodded, having nothing to say to defend against the accusation. 

“Will you tell me what’s the matter?” 

“Nothing’s the matter.” 

Kasius laughed, humorlessly. “Yes, it is. Is it Natan?” 

She didn’t respond. 

“Sinara, I’ll not make it your responsibility if you don’t want it to be. And even if you do, it’s not yours alone.” Kasius hesitated as though waiting on her response. “If not, I can help you leave,” He shrugged. “Fake your death, whatever is necessary. I was simply making a joke before, however, if it would be helpful.” 

“I won’t leave unless you want me to.” She told him. 

“You can’t honestly believe that’s something I could possibly want, Sinara.  _ Do you _ ?” 

Sinara shrugged. “Perhaps being back here has changed your mind. They’re your family.” 

Kasius shook his head, crossing the room to her. “Not particularly. You’re more my family than anyone here.” 

Sinara nodded. “Then I’m not going anywhere.” 

“However, you are still going to be upset with me. Because I was not here last night?” 

Sinara couldn’t very well deny it after berating him at the reception, though it hadn’t quite been her point. 

Kasius sighed. “I thought you might have gone to the quarters near the venue we were assigned, but you weren’t there. And I didn’t know who you’d gone with…” 

“ _ Who?” _ Sinara demanded. 

Kasius shrugged. “I don’t know. I thought you might turn up, we were supposed to sleep there, and I didn’t think you’d jeopardize the plan. I fell asleep, by accident, whilst waiting. Then, this morning, when I woke, I came back here.” 

Sinara nodded. “I wasn’t myself last night.” 

Kasius stepped forward again, closing the last space between them and pulling her into his arms. “I shouldn’t have let my father do this, it’s been too hard on you.” 

She leaned her head on his shoulder, far too tired to pretend the words weren’t comforting. Kasius kissed her hair, his hands tracing lines across her back. 

“I love you.” 

Something released in her chest, and she leaned into Kasius a little more, like the quiet sincerity of his words answered every question that had been on her mind. 

“Rule four.” She muttered. 

“What?” He muttered, sounding crestfallen. 

“Don’t be an emotional idiot. You’re breaking rule four right now.” 

“I don’t suppose you want me to bring up rule three, no kissing?” He was laughing as he said it. 

Sinara tried to consider the statement rationally above the embarrassment rushing color to her face. “No. Who needs rules?” 

She leaned back, bringing her hands to his cheeks, pulling him closer; she kissed him. Her hands lowering from his cheeks to loops around his neck drawing him closer. He responded enthusiastically, pulling her towards him so forcefully he stumbled back a few steps. He pulled her around the corner into the hallway and pressed her to the wall. 

She pulled her chin back, breaking the kiss to speak between gasps. “What was that?” 

“Sinara, I’m not going to do this in front of a child.” He pulled her back in, lips parted slightly, pushing her into the wall. She wound her arms more tightly around his neck; pulling him closer, parting her own lips, and beginning to wonder if she should reach other and shut the door into the bedroom. 

Natan wailed, and Kasius jerked away from her, biting back a noise somewhere between a groan and a laugh. He leaned his forehead against hers, laughing in stifled gasps. 

Sinara spoke grudgingly but not really meaning it, laughing through her own slight resentment. “I suppose we have to keep him, too?”    
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! As always any comments/feedback is appreciated!   
> -sinara-smith <3


End file.
